What now?

I remember not long ago maybe 7-8 years ago I was feeling optimistic about life, which is a very rare occurrence within well read teenage girls. Hand on my heart I honestly thought reading books and having a different outlook on life will give me an advantage in my "adult" stage of life. Being able to think outside the box and having the ability to see beyond my nose gave me the false sense of security and pride. I knew I was special and I felt ready to handle whatever life throws at me.

Oh God how wrong I was. I am 23 years old and I have no idea what is going on. I feel stressed, depressed and not very well dressed (that was suppose to be funny). All the books I've read just left me with a broken heart and crushed mind. I feel abandoned and lied to.

All those intimate stories in all those old books that no one reads anymore (apart from some hipsters...fuck you hipsters) gave me the illusion that a grand adventure awaits. I guess its human interaction I was most let down by, I honestly thought that if you open up your soul fully you will get the same in return.

But no one seems to hear me and they are all really bad at pretending to listen too. So I have spend my life equipping myself with the wrong tools and now I feel very disadvantaged because I know not how to have a conversation that lacks fire and soul.

But I promise the bluebird in my heart that I won't ever let it go. In order to keep my sanity I will write, as bad as I can, because the madness in my head will never be able to survive in the real world so it needs to go on paper.

If you my friend feel like no one understand the madness in your head please do read Jack London- Martin Eden as it portraits a similar situation.